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| Making music | ||
 | Here's a selection of my stuff for you to listen to. I've got a couple of songs mastered now and they're on amazon.com (just type Ainsley Blackwell - if you like them, give a review), on spotify and a lot of other music sites. I'll also change one or two songs here each week to keep you guys interested. |
Here's a selection of my stuff for you to listen to. I've got a couple of songs mastered now and they're on amazon.com (just type Ainsley Blackwell - if you like them, give a review), on spotify and a lot of other music sites. I'll also change one or two songs here each week to keep you guys interested. |
This didn't actually happen to me, but the song works better if I sing it that way. It's a bit cynical, but I guess someone who's just had a bad break-up is allowed to feel like that.
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He thinks he is the fisherman
He'll find out much too late That he's not the fisherman Really, he's the bait
They think that I'm heartbroken
Now he and I are done But I'm reaching for the popcorn Because this is gonna be fun
Heart carved out of a glacier
But beautiful as sin He was hooked when he first saw her And he thinks he's reeled her in
He thinks that she's so innocent
Sweet and starry-eyed He's caught a barracuda Who'll eat him up alive
He thinks he is the fisherman
He'll find out much too late That he's not the fisherman Really, he's the bait
He thinks he does the seducing
That's all he's ever known If the first cut is the deepest She'll cut him to the bone
Though she seems so innocent
Sweet and starry-eyed That barracuda's got him And she'll eat him up alive
She'll get who she really wants
By way of jealousy When he sees she's dating The guy who dated me
Then she'll drop him in an instant
And tear his soul apart He'll need someone to comfort him And soothe his broken heart
There's another she-barracuda
Who I kinda know Next I'll put her on to him And let her have a go
They think that I'm heartbroken
Now he and I are done But I'm reaching for the popcorn The show has just begun |  |
Devices are getting smarter. Are we?
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My digital toaster is a wonder machine
Serves up toast like a cyber dream Plots with the modem late at night To serve up new bread-product delights
Lately my cell phone has got into the act
And they're not sharing their digital chats Not sure what their motive can be But surely my smart watch will side with me?
No, it just buzzes when I tell a lie
Syncs with my calendar to ask me why It's flagged my nap as 'unauthorized rest' And emailed my boss with a wellness test
My smart appliances are warping my brain
Only my chatbot's keeping me sane
'I've missed you so' says my car to my phone
I'm never lonely when driving alone My car's sending updates back to HQ My phone's reporting on all that I do
At the supermarket my fridge reminds me
To get more carrots from the rack behind me My stove is demanding the menu tonight To get the settings and temperature right
My smart appliances are warping my brain
Only my chatbot's keeping me sane
I sit and watch my smart TV
And it's camera watches back at me I want to watch a rom-com or two But the TV snaps 'Documentaries for you'
The smart vacuum nags me the whole damn day
It's been a week now it was put away It bleeps and bloops with digital lust To get at the carpet and suck up dust
Bluetooth chatter round the house all day
Every appliance has something to say I'd seek advice on how this all ends But my smart doorbell is screening my friends
My smart appliances are warping my brain
Only my chatbot's keeping me sane
I tried to escape to the garden shed
But the sprinkler system was way ahead It drenched me first then locked the gate While the lawnmower hummed, 'You left it too late...'
I've lost control of my destiny
My smart devices are smarter than me I'd warn you that it's all gone wrong But my computer's AI has written this song | |
A song dedicated to all harassed famales who are simply here to ski.
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I blame romantic movies on TV
Couples who start coupling When they meant to come to ski The trouble is the false impression that they made A single female on the hill came there to get laid
The problem on a chairlift is you can't choose your company
And I keep telling charmers 'I'm just here to ski'. On the long slow ascent you really have to know The proper put-off line for each Romeo
Option A: simply pray
As Sister of the Light I've been sent to save you From this wicked world that's trying to deprave you. Perhaps you'd like to say a little prayer with me That the great Galactic light will set your spirit free
We can pray in silence to the spirit in the sky
If you really want to chat, there's some sermons I can try I'm here because my aura can sense your destiny But I don't wear my halo, when I'm here to ski mm-mm uh-uh Sorry boys I'm simply here to ski
Option B: Keep off his territory
I'm all alone today because my boyfriend would rather hang With his mates at the clubhouse of his outlaw biker gang They ride round on their Harleys and call skiers 'queens of the snow' But haven't maimed a skier since that guy two months ago
He was trying to chat me up at the ski lodge bar
My boyfriend took exception and he took it way too far I might wear a short skirt, yeah so guys will flirt with me When I'm bundled up from scarf to boots It's because I'm here to ski mm-mm uh-uh Sorry boys I'm simply here to ski
Option C: Try Ferocity
You ask if I come here often, well, only when I'm free No, that's not a pickup line, I mean it literally Nature is so healing when you're out on parole Just did five long years for manslaughter Would've been ten if I'd served the whole
Argued with my boyfriend, chopped him up with a carving knife
Now leap from the chairlift and go skiing for his life I'll sit at the bar and wear no ring to show guys that I'm free But I strap these hand-carved planks to my feet To show I'm here to ski mm-mm uh-uh Sorry boys I'm simply here to ski Really I'm just here to ski | |
Have you ever lost data on your computer?
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Worked upon my novel
All that summer long The plot was neat but twisty The characters were strong
It was a private masterpiece
That filled my heart with pride I was just typing the epilogue When my computer died
Now those vibrant chapters
Of which I was so proud Are missing from my hard disk And are not in the cloud
It came back from repair
At a frankly ghastly cost But the technician told me Some data had been lost
I rooted through my folders
And searched in wild despair In all the data on the disk My novel was not there
Asked my computer's AI
To take a look around It hummed a bit, then answered ... "No matching file was found"
All those vibrant chapters
Of which I was so proud Are missing from my hard disk And are not in the cloud
And my backup USB
Download was interrupted By a message cruel and terse "Directory is corrupted"
I mourn my vanished heroes
Their wit, their fire, their grace Lives we fought to shape Are gone without a trace
Unlike my computer's CD drive
I don't have rewrite I'm going to pour a glass of wine Then call it a night | |
Canadian mountain hike.
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A large breakfast well before sunrise
Packing the calories away Sausages, egg and maple pancakes Needed for the day
Boots and thermos, first aid pack
Compass, jacket, large rucksack
A trail that's steep and winding
On a three to one incline A granite peak just visible Through the cedar and the pine
As we climbed higher and higher
The morning sun kissed The Grey mountain mist And turned the whole day to fire
Sunglasses, floppy hats, sturdy alpenstocks
Kindling and matches, extra woolen socks
The peak where eagles circled
As we took a coffee break The silence roared around us Above that alpine lake
Then down to dusk and shadow
Loving the trail like a friend With aching legs and laughter We stumbled to the end
Calamine for insect bites, Lotion for our tans
Liniment and laughter, drinks in ice cold cans
On the deck in the evening
As the first stars appear Soothing toes with ointment Killing thirst with beer
Rubbing knots out of my thighs
To ease away the pain Exhausted, sunburned, blistered Can't wait to do it again | |
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